I want to like this but I'm not sure...

OK, I loved the book "The Fantastic Mr. Fox" when I was a kid, so I was very excited to hear that they were making a movie out of the book. Also, when I found out Wes Anderson was directing AND George Clooney was starring as the voice of Mr. Fox, well, I was about as happy as a pig in doo-doo, as they say.
For the first time in a long while I was actually excited about a movie that was coming out. The last time I looked forward to a movie was when the last "Indiana Jones" came out. We all know how that turned out, so I won't bore you with the details of my disappointment. Yet, even with my rather recent "Indiana Jones" wound, I was still pretty jazzed to hear about this "Fantastic Mr. Fox" movie...
And then I watched the trailer.
Honestly now, I don't know what to think. I have all these fond childhood memories of the book and I want to like it so bad, that I've lost all perspective. I have now watched the trailer 11 times and still don't really know how I feel about it. I keep giving it another chance, thinking that I'm missing something, but it doesn't seem to get any better. I don't know. I can't really tell anymore. I want desperately to believe that the movie is better. Maybe they just made a bad trailer! I really want to believe this.
I'm starting to think though, that here comes a time in all our lives when we have to be honest with ourselves. This may be one of them, truthfully, how many times have you ever seen a full length movie that was BETTER than the trailer. Really, think back....
Me neither. I'm hoping that Mr. Fox will be the exception to the rule. I pray that it's so.

Lay Off Lohan, Haters.

Why does everything that Lindsay Lohan does get instantly criticized?

Pictured left is one of the dresses from the collection she helped to create for the Spring 2010 Ungaro Collection. Critics, of course, immediately tore her a new one in the press. The girl was crying when she came out onto the runway at the end of the show for God sakes, well before the reviews came out, so I'm sure she could feel the bad vibes coming her way. Speaking of the criticizing, clearly I'm behind the times. I had to look up a word used to describe the collection, "Meh." This you probably already know, means "whatever", or "who cares", something along these lines. It's from a Simpson's episode and it's kind of a funny word, but Media, seriously, leave Lindsay alone and stop criticizing EVERYTHING she does.
THE LINE IS PRETTY GOOD. Ok, I said it. I think it's pretty good, and I bet if she does another, it'll be even better.
Really, there are some crazy pieces, some strange color combos and so on, but this blue dress is pretty tight. There's also a real cool white one and a few more that are nice as well.
GOOD JOB LINDSAY! I bet she hasn't heard that much.

And really, this poor girl doesn't have enough trouble with her own Mother and that kooky Father of hers?!
C'mon. I challenge any of these people who are criticizing her to design a line of clothes while juggling Movies, Paparazzi photos of your kitty popping up on the internet, loony parents, a drug problem, a butchy lookin' girlfriend, and God know's what else she deals with, and see how your fashion line turns out.
Honestly. I don't wanna get on a soap box, but America, we've become a nation of armchair critics and whiners. Let's stop sitting around taking pot shots at vulnerable celebrities and let's make some of our own dreams come true instead of taking such insidious pleasure in the foibles of stars such as Lindsay, who are trying to make their dreams come true. That's what this country used to be about if anybody remembers that. Also, if you say something like "Well she should know better than to try and design clothes, she's an actor." I say to you, if Ungaro offers YOU a bunch of money to design some clothes and put your name on them, even if you know little or nothing about fashion, I'm gonna bet you'll do it. Give that some thought next time you wanna bag on Lindsay. Also, she's in her 20's. Do you remember your 20's, or are you in your 20's?
My God, if some of the stuff I did in my 20's were posted online or caught on camera, I'm pretty sure I would never be allowed in civilized company again. So there you go.
Lindsay, do your thing girl.

Battleship? Seriously??

So as you may or may not have heard, Universal is making the battleship game into a movie. As you may or may not remember (see above image) this is the game where you use the little pegs and try to sink your opponents battleships by shouting out grid coordinates at your enemy such as, "G-4." And then your opponent, maybe Dad in a cool sweater vest, replies with a sly grin, "It's a hit." Ironically I don't think that's what fans will be saying when this tanker docks in the theater.

Seriously, have we run out of ideas, people? How about a film about Crazy Eights. Or perhaps a reality show called "Hide and Go Seek!" It's my understanding that Monopoly and Candyland are also being developed for the big screen so why not.

Well as they say, "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em." So here's an idea I'm gonna pitch:
I think I'm going to try and secure the rights to "Pin the Tail on the Donkey" and develop that into a series for Showtime. It'll be the story of a down-on-his-luck ex-zoo donkey, by the name of Hank, who auditions for an adult film and becomes a big star. I see a video game, condom endorsements, perhaps a Carl's Jr. product tie-in...I don't know, the skies the limit.
Enough said? I should think so.

Fake Lil' Jon Sighting at the IHOP

I thought I saw Lil' John sitting in the big window of the IHOP down the street from LACMA and the Variety office the other night when I was out walking. He was enjoying a Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity breakfast (I think strawberry) with his homey and for some reason this seemed really funny to me and I started cracking up. I was alone, and an obviously insane homeless woman nearby looked at me like I was out of my tree. For some reason, I looked again and then I noticed that it was just a Jamaican dude that looked like Lil’ John. For some reason at that moment I was very disappointed that it was not Lil' Jon and his homey eating Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruities. In fact, I still am kinda disappointed. I guess I shoulda known though, because the dude didn't have a crown or a pimp cup anywhere near him!

It's about 9:20 pm on Thursday as I sit and write this. I'm at home, downstairs the neighbors are humping unbelievably loudly, to the point that it's distracting me from working on my script so I am going to go to Kinkos to fax some paperwork to William Morris Agency, excuse me, WME (ughh), because my stupid fax machine refuses to work. That last sentence is most likely a run-on, but I haven't been in English class since Milli Vanilli was popular so who can say...well I'm off...
Oh, wait...I just thought of something which for me epitomizes life in Los Angeles...

I was at Starbucks this morning and as I was sipping my burned, shitty coffee and I suddenly smelled Poison perfume in the air. My God, I don't think I've smelled this in like 15 years, and there it was, as big as friggin' life! This scent immediately whisks me back to this scene from college. I'm in school at the time and we're on this overnight field trip. After a long day of ridiculous, meaningless marketing symposiums, me and the other guys in my room drank ourselves into a stupor to clear our minds. Everyone fell asleep around 2am or so except for me, and I'm lying there staring at the ceiling thinking about God knows what, when suddenly I heard the softest little tapping on the room door. Actually, it's more accurate to say that I sensed it, because it was probably about the volume of rapping that a mouse paw would produce, but nevertheless I sensed it, got up, and answered the door. Lo and behold it was this girl I liked. She was buzzed on Bartles and James and wearing pink flannel p.j.'s, with her hair in a pony. When we started kissing she smelled ever so faintly of Poison, which at the time, I actually liked very much. Long story short, things went pretty well in the Day's Inn bathroom and we woke up all the guys who were asleep in the room and for that we earned a round of applause when we emerged from the bathroom. Anyway, she was a great girl, really cute and sweet, so this was a nice little memory for me.
All right, so after this pleasant little mental diversion, I take a sip of my coffee and slowly come back to reality at Starbucks on Wilshire Blvd. and now I begin to wonder who in the shit is wearing Poison perfume in 2009? I turn slowly to my right to investigate and I indeed see from whence the fond odour is coming, and SWEET JESUS, it was the most heinous transvestite I HAVE EVER SEEN in all my born days. He's sitting with stubbly legs crossed, wearing a leather mini, and smiling at me with this gap toothed grill that would startle the dead. Now people, I'm a pretty strong minded man, I've braved Hollywood for about 15 years now, but I have to say in all honesty... it shook me a little.

So much for the pleasant memory of Poison. C'est la vie.

Bat For Lashes Rocks!

I recently bought this album and it is awesome. Natasha Khan is a stone cold fox, as they used to say back in the day. And what's nice about "Two Suns" is that it feels like an album, you can listen to it from beginning to end and it feels like a spacey, magickal journey. Her voice is haunting and her lyrics are poetic and visceral. Plus, no one in the music business today can rock rainbow eye makeup like her! So really that's all that needs to be said.

The Desperate Housewives are f*ckin' up my sh*t!!

So...I found myself sitting in traffic in Toluca Lake for like 20 minutes today, TWICE!!

Toluca lake, mind you, is a lot like the Mayberry of Hollywood, so this is unusual. Normally, I will leave my house and drive leisurely to my favorite morning coffee spot without a hint of traffic or annoyance.

This morning though, as I'm driving down Riverside I notice up ahead of me, a bunch of production trucks, generators, lights, and other TV making gew-gaws, lining the street in front of PRICILLA'S COFFEE. I am rolling peacefully along toward my coffee shop (not Pricilla's) which is nearby and I suddenly encounter a sea of red brake lights. I now can see up at the entrance to Pricilla's around 6 or 7 of Burbank's finest standing around eating donuts and sipping coffee near the set. One officer stands nonchalantly in the street with his hand up, stopping traffic in BOTH DIRECTIONS as his brother officers chat and nosh pastries nearby. I thought that I would be delayed for a moment or two since they weren't shooting in the street, but I was instead there for 20 MINUTES for no apparent reason! What the hell!? THEY ARE SHOOTING INSIDE mind you.

I finally got over to my coffee shop and found that it was packed! Everyone that normally goes to Pricilla's is now at my coffee shop. Interlopers! Not a seat in the place, inside or out. So, apparently it's not enough that I have to sit in traffic for 20 minutes, but now I also cannot sit and do my morning writing at my favorite coffee shop. I stand in line for about 10 minutes (it's normally like 3), and I ask, "What the hell is shooting over at Pricilla's?"
As you can guess from the title of this, it was in fact, Desperate Housewives. The coffee girl seems genuinely excited by this and tells me so, which annoys me, but I keep it to myself.
"Yeah, that's cool", I reply, biting my tongue.
Inside I'm thinking, "I hate that show. I really do. I don't understand why it's on, and I credit that show, whether or not they are responsible, for the term 'cougar'. Cougar annoys me, and that show annoys me. Seriously, why is it still on?! Also speaking of 'cougar', Courtney Cox's new show 'Cougar Town'. I haven't seen it, but give me a break, '40 is the new 20'?!? Really, do we need another show about people that don't want to act or look their age in this country. If I see another 48-year-old woman with her 14-year-old daughter in matching Kitson sweatsuits and they are talking about Facebook or Twitter or Lady GaGa, I will throw red paint on their $300 sweats like one of those PETA activists do to the women wearing furs. I swear I will!!"

On my way home I got stuck in traffic again for another 20 MINUTES, despite the fact that I took a different street. Housewives, do you really need to block up 3 streets to shoot INSIDE a coffee shop for the love of God!


I'm really hoping they are done shooting by the time my 5 o'clock coffee break time rolls around. I will really be bummed out if they are still there.
Also, I want my 50 minutes of wasted time back "Desperate Housewives", damn you!

Oy! The Desperate Housewives are f*ckin' up my sh*t!!